Invisibility is like watching a movie; you can see and hear everything, but you can't affect any of it. I had this experience today. My 14 yr old had a second freshman basketball game and I worked hard to load everyone up and get there in time to see it. I arrived at half-time and was not disappointed. I got to see the nervousness of guarding and being unsure of yourself and the confidence of grabbing the ball, running down the court and making a solid two point basket. I was amazed at the transition I saw in Sam. The surety of movement was what impressed me most. I was glad I came. We tried several times to get Sam's attention and thought we had. But after the game Sam walked right past us, I thought things needed to be collected and tried to wait patiently. Fifteen minutes went by and I decided to at least load up the little ones. Another fifteen minutes went by and I called out to at least three teammates to locate Sam. None of them responded. I sat in the car with the kids. I waited and waited and finally got a call from my neighbor--Sam had gotten a ride and was home. I was really heartbroken, moreso when Sam admitted to never seeing us--US in the front row with Zebby trying to break my nose with his head and Ellen climbing on everyone. Here I am, holding him down on my lap with all my might, shouting at Ellen to sit down and holding the baby's bottle up for her to eat while she's still in her carseat. I was invisible--the kids and I were invisible; we must have been. Even while Ellen shouted over and over, "Sam, I'm here! Sam, I'm here!" I just think not one Nobel Prize physicist has anything on me. They can theorize, but I have actually experienced invisibility. And to think, all I had to do was be a mother to a 14 year old.
On the other hand, I got to be there. And I got to see how far Sam had come. And that was way better than any old movie--and totally worth being invisible. It was beautiful.
Aaahhhh the invisibility cloak... I laughed when they 'discovered' it in a Harry Potter movie because I had worn it many times already Sometimes as a daughter,often as a wife and sometimes as mother (more when as they got older).But I have found a lot of wisdom to be gleaned from watching and being still. Sometimes my biggest lessons have come when I left my ego out and let my learning begin - now the harder part though - what were you supposed to learn from the watching and the effort? What ever that may be I am grateful for your sharing and appreciate your placing your thoughts out here as I've always personally enjoyed them and miss you but even more so I am glad that the possibility of your continued growth may be enjoyed by others is a wonderful endeavor!!
ReplyDeleteI can see that I am invisible when I appear on the video chat screen- unless I am talking to her specifically. The conversation has to be engaging for her in my case.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, getting away from thinking of myself, I am half a world away and there are accomplishments that she takes on that are note worthy and passed along to me. I proudly boast of Sam's musical and academic focus and accomplishments. Apparently she renders the same focus in her athletic pursuits.
It is appropriate to say that I have a significant weakness in this world of so many good things I could do- I am terrible at listening to anyone speak while I am watching a movie. I admit there are exceptions to this theory of focus- dating Katie was a time when I could pay attention to her in the middle of a movie. Usually commenting on the movie.
I know that Samantha is getting the most out of her experience in High School. I can't turn a blind eye to the fact she isn't paying attention to things at home as much as Katie would like, but at Sam's stage in life the ability to address everything asked of her, proficiently, is a lot to ask.